This is a brand new transition for us from co-sleeping to Oliver’s own bedroom. It is quite early on my sleep training but has been quite successful so far! a few moms who are in the same situation as me asked me how I did it, I thought I’d write a post about it!
- WHY I CO-SLEPT
First of all I’d like to explain why I chose co-sleeping. It wasn’t a decision I made while I was pregnant, Oliver had a very high separation anxiety from day 1 to about 3 months, It was practically impossible to put him down for hours and he’d sleep not more than 15 min in his bassinet every time I’d put him down. So I had to figure out a way that worked for us.
I did my research and co-sleeping in some cultures and countries is a total norm! it also felt the most natural for me and the easiest while breastfeeding. Oliver slept much better next to me in the bed and we were all able to get some sleep as well.
there’s research that will say that it is safer with SIDS for the baby to sleep next to the mother while others contradict it. There’s too many opinions for me to get into that. I actually stopped breathing when I was a baby and luckily my mom had a weird feeling that came on to her and asked my dad to go check on me…Now I get to write you this great post about sleep training and my baby! isn’t life amazing?
The book “The womanly art of breastfeeding” is fascinating when it comes to explaining all of that.
My point is, society and the people with “my one friend’s baby” horrific stories have an amazing way to scare us about everything while some things are out of our control and others are freak accidents. As a new mom, it’s difficult to quiet down the noise.
There are two school of thought and that’s totally okay! I had people look at me like I was crazy to have a baby sleep with me because that automatically meant that he was going to walk all over me and never sleep alone. *SIGH* what happened to no mom shaming?
The problem that I’ve noticed while raising a child outside of your native country is that you encounter a lot of differences. Some countries are much more focused on the child well-being when others focus on the parent well-being.
While that’s great, some things didn’t sit right with me “get a sitter”- “let him cry!”- “you hold him too much!”- Getting a sitter when my baby is two months old was not in my comfort zone. Letting him cry doesn’t seem like a natural thing to do and I hold my baby as much as I’d like to hold my baby. newsflash: you can’t spoil a baby & a baby doesn’t manipulate. It’s very sad that some adults are too jaded to understand the pure innocence of a little human being.
- INGREDIENTS FOR A SUCCESFUL SLEEP TRAINING
Believing that your baby can do it
Communication with your partner of your expectations
Finding balance between standing your ground & being understanding
Do it with positivity
Do it because it feels right & not because everyone tells you your baby is going to be screwed his whole life
- WHAT I TAUGHT OLIVER WHILE WE WERE CO-SLEEPING
I was able to teach Oliver how to fall asleep on his own at the same time every night, just with a back rub, “shhhh” and patience. Oliver had no anxiety about nighttime and rarely ever cried to go to sleep. I never rocked him at bedtime or throughout the night if he would wake up unless he cried a lot which was rare and that indicated either teething, discomfort or sickness.
I also implemented a night routine:
6:00pm Get bath ready
6:30pm Oil massage and Pjs
6:55pm Storytime (started that one at 5-6 months.)
7:15pm Sleepy time
- HOW I TRANSITIONED FROM CO-SLEEPING TO CRIB IN HIS OWN BEDROOM
As much as I loved co-sleeping, Oliver was breastfeeding less and waking up more so were both and Kyle starting to sleep not as comfortably. Kyle and I were positive that we didn’t want to let him cry it out even though sometimes felt like it would be impossible not to!
Shout out to my girlfriend is Montreal, Catherine, who has the cutest baby btw, she called me because she knew and remembered how it felt when you lose all hope and really upped my spirit to do it and feel confident about it! It’s amazing when other moms support you! She suggested the 15 seconds technique from Brigitte Langevin.
(Sadly there’s only a French version but the idea is that you put your baby down, walk away when he’s not crying. wait 15 seconds. go back to calm him down then walk away again. wait 30 seconds. and so forth… While it wasn’t what I was capable of doing entirely, I got amazing advice for the book.) for French Speakers:
Here are the detailed 6 days of sleep training and what I did. Keep in my mind that I wanted to go gradually and gently. I didn’t want to leave or create any negative feelings with his room and bed. I had been letting him play in his room and in his crib a few days before.
AFTERNOON NAP: Rocked him to sleep but kept waking up as soon as I’d put him down. Tried to rub his back and “shhh” but it was a complete fail! ended up skipping his nap.
NIGHTIME: 7:00 pm explained to him that this is his room and his bed. I’m right next door, he’s okay. I put him down awake- rubbed his back- shhhhhh- Gave him his favorite blanket (very thin blanket made of bamboo; use blanket if your baby is aware and strong enough to get it off his face)- put white noise on. He was not happy, he eventually calmed down and fell asleep. I Stayed by his side the whole time to reassure him. He was just letting me know about him not being happy and that’s okay!
12:00am: woke up hysterical, attempted the 15 seconds technique- (please reap on top to know what it is) Kyle and I couldn’t bare him crying when we’d walk away. Him and I were distraught and not on the same wave line, we ended up getting into an argument and realized that we needed to communicate beforehand how to go about it. Communication is key when parenting and sleep training! we made it to 1 min 45 seconds and I gave up and he came back to bed with us.
MORNING NAP: took me 2 hours and 30 min to put him down!!!!! we went from falling asleep to waking up, then playing and so forth. drove me nuts.
AFTERNOON NAP: Complete fail again. Skipped nap.
NIGHTIME: 7:00pm Fell asleep easily with a little back rub- way less crying than the night before- woohoo!
7:40pm: woke up- cried for a minute or two and soothe back to sleep on his own.
8:20pm: woke up again- cried for a minute or two and soothe back to sleep on his own.
10:00 pm : woke up again- cried for a minute or two and soothe back to sleep on his own.
11:00 pm: woke up with a vengeance! crying, super unhappy, back rub and I was EXHAUSTED so I brought him back with me in bed.
4:00 am: Woke up in my bed, fed him and brought him back to his crib. back rub. I walked away and he started crying. I waited 2 min.I went back for a back rub. He woke up again as I walked away but I waited and he fell asleep on his own 2 minutes later.
7:30 am: woke up for the first time in his own bed!!!!!! Kyle and I went to get him emphasizing how good he did and wishing him a “good morning!!!!!”
NO MORE DAY NAPS IN HIS ROOM. I figured that I only wanted to do so so he gets used to his room. Right now I still enjoy my time during the day as have stuff to do and co-sleeping for a quick nap.
NIGHTIME: We went out for date night and Jackie was babysitting him.
8:00pm: he fell asleep easily with her just rubbing his back.
10:00pm: loud ambulance woke him up and he was not having it so she brought him back to our bed. I didn’t have the energy to move him and he was soundly sleeping.
DAY 4: (I felt more motivated and confident to stand my ground as I felt like by now he had the chance to get to know his room)
6:45 PM: (He was exhausted and grumpy.) fell asleep with very little trouble. no crying. a little back rub, I even walked away before he completely fell asleep.
12:00pm woke up crying. Kyle went and rubbed his back. fell asleep easily. Yay daddy!
2:00 am: woke up crying. talked to him, and let him know I’m here. Waited for him to fall asleep.
4:00 am: I was very close to bring him back but I stood my ground! gave him a bottle, talked to him, told him I’ll see him in the morning. Cried for two minutes and fell asleep.
7:30 am: Second morning to ever wake up in his room!!!!!!! greeted and “goooooddd morning!!!”
7:20pm: Playful, rolled around, no crying at all, he even seemed happy to be in his bed! went to sleep in 20 min with back rub after a little fun in his crib and story time.
10:00pm woke up. Kyle went in and rubbed his back to sleep. fell asleep like a breeze.
12:00 woke up a little unhappy, gave him a bottle and walked away. he fell asleep on his own. cried for less than a minute.
2:00 woke up quietly, no crying, I just saw that he was moving around and he self soothed to sleep. He whined a little but I didn’t get up.
7:30 am: GOOD MORNING!!!!
7:40pm: a bit of a later bedtime because he was playful and we did story time with daddy. Put him down, rubbed his back, noticed he was self soothing and seemed at peace so I walked away and he fell asleep on his own.
10:00pm: Woke up very unhappy, crying and wouldn’t calm down. I didn’t feel well and really brought myself to stay by his side and believe he will fall asleep! 30 minutes later of no improvement I made him a bottle and he fell asleep 10 minutes later with a rub and “shhhhh”
4:30am: woke up whining but I waited. He calmed down, rolled around a little and self soothed back to sleep. I happily stayed in my bed.
7:50: I was awake before him!!!!! he finally woke up and we wished him a very happy morning!
I know Oliver’s sleep will change a lot and that’s how kids are but this is a huge accomplishment for us! I decided that I just wanted to make sure he knows he’s safe and not feel distraught without every crying it out! this is proof that a baby can learn healthy sleep habits in time with gentle parenting. it’s a lot of work but it’s worth it! my father did this with me and my little sister! it was very helpful to get his advice and seeing how successful it is with my 3-year-old sister.
Kyle and I are enjoying our bed again as we also very much enjoyed sleeping with Oliver and will never forget the special moments shared.
hope this helps a little!
Oliver is now 12 months and he naps and falls asleep at night in his crib by himself, I just kiss him, talk to him and put him down and walk away. He sleeps through the night as well! Finally! Ha!